Bheja Fry

Bheja Fry....Great movie, Must watch….all that’s ok. You can sit and laugh at Bharat Bhushan’s comical face and Ranjeet Thadani’s plight. When something like that happens to you, gosh, it is tough. I had the misfortune of having to deal with a nutcase who really fried whatever little bheja I have! All along while interacting with this really low IQ guy, I kept telling myself ‘I definitely am smarter than this dud…I should be able to handle him and not let him effect my mood’…but I failed. Every interaction with him, actually frustrated me so much, I had to call someone and vent out to get back to my state of equilibrium. Even with his real low IQ, he is able to create so much of an impact. Should that be admired? I don’t know!

Even though I have no qualms about mentioning his real name here, I’ll just change names, because that’s how it is always done!
Once upon a time, not too long ago, (like 6 months back) we requested for drinking water cans to be delivered home. It seemed like a very straight forward thing. You pay deposit for the cans and dispenser and pay for the water every time it is delivered. To be on the safe side, I requested for 2 cans, so that as soon as one can is empty I could place my request for refill and I would still have one can to go in case the delivery is delayed etc. The 1st time the agent, Ramakant, came home it was quite eventful...more eventful than you would expect out of a situation involving water cans and money. I should have known that the 1st meeting was indicative of eventful times ahead! He was late and it was quite obvious he was totally out of schedule for the day. When he was at home, he got a number of calls from irate customers asking ‘when will you be here?’ and he responded with things like ‘Sir…I am right in front of your house’…’madam…I am just about to get into the lift of your building’….He din’t look like someone who had the ability to be in our living room and at 2 other places at the same time! He came home without all the stuff that was required to set up the cans and after saying all these blatant lies to a couple of thirsty people in Bangalore he looks straight in the eye and says ‘Sir, promise I’ll get it for you tomorrow’. Dippie smiled and said ‘boss…I had to make a 100 calls to you before you finally came…you stand here and lie to other people right in front of me…and you expect me to believe your ‘promise’?’ To that, his response was a stupid smile and a‘He He He…sir..I’ll come tomorrow na…’. I don’t quite remember how many days passed by for ‘tomorrow’ to come. But then it finally did..and we had drinking water cans set up in our home. After one can got empty, I promptly called Ramakant to ask for a refill of 1 can. He says ‘no no…I wont come all the way for 1 can’. I tried explaining to him about the logic of taking 2 cans…the fact that one was a backup in case of delays in delivery. Isn’t that a really simple logic? How come then, he, who delivers cans day in and day out couldn’t understand my logic? He speaks hindi and English…so it wasn’t a case of language barrier. He just din’t understand what I was trying to say. I tried putting myself in his shoes…to think the way he thought…to explain in simple terms. I think in his simple mind, he thought people ordered 2 cans together because 1 would be lonely all by iself! I just started to manage the water a little closely instead of breaking my head over Ramakant.

Gradually, even 2 cans became a problem for him! He would say things like ‘Mam, I can’t come for 2-3 days…am in the hospital’. Initially I gave him the benefit of doubt. Then I started to lose patience, having to wait for water cans for a week when the promised SLA was 1 day. I had tried everything out…contacting his boss…offering to go pick up the cans myself….nothing really seemed to work. That’s when I decided to go with another vendor. But exiting wasn’t easy…because the deposit of the cans was with Ramakant. When I called him to give him the bad news that we din’t want water from him anymore, he wasn’t upset or din’t even try to convince me to stick on. He just said ‘ok..will come and return the deposit and collect the cans’. I was pleasantly surprised…that I din’t have any explaining to do. But the pleasantness was shortlived when I realised he kept giving excuses and never turned up. 3 weeks passed by with this and that. I would call him and he would say ‘mam..can you call me later, am in traffic, driving’. I would call back later and he would say ‘mam..I cant come for 1 month, I met with an accident’. I should have began to feel guilty…cause my phone calls to him seemed to bring him bad luck and he wound up in the hospital at least 3 out of 5 times after my calls! I called his boss, and spilt the beans. Ramakant called back 5 minutes after I spoke to his boss with ‘Mam…did u call my boss?? Ok I will come in 2 days and return the deposit…’. Huh..? I imagined Ramakant in hospital all plastered up, leg hanging from a hook all settled in there to stay for a month. What amazing sincerity for his work to want to come out of all that in 2 days for the sake of my 1k deposit! I asked him ‘I thought you said you cant come for 1 month?’. He would just plain ignore my statement as if I never said anything and say ‘mam..I told you na..I’ll come on Monday….promise’! I started to hate his promises! Come Monday, he says, he came home and din’t find the watchman and he waited for 10 minutes. The building watchman is so old, that he hardly budges from his chair by the gate. Sometimes he is so tired (sitting), that he doesn’t even get up to open the gate when I want to park the car. Ramakant ‘promised’ that he was there at my building and that I could speak to his accomplice if I had a doubt about that. Yes, right, that’s just what I wanted…to talk to another Ramakant like guy who would vouch for him!’ How come you din’t call me when you got to my building? I would have come in 5 minutes?’ *IGNORE* (How does he do that? I wish I could learn to do that….just ignore when someone asks something I din’t want to answer). ‘Anyway, where are you now? I’ll come by home’ ‘No Madam, I am in Yelahanka now’. Now, if I want to go from Indiranagar to Yelahanka, at 2 in the afternoon, it would take me 30-45 minutes in the best traffic conditions. But Ramakant gets there in 15 minutes flat? How does he do all this?

I concluded, he has supernatural powers. He can be in 3 places at one time. When he stares at a broken foot for about 5 minutes, miraculously it cures…and he has a solution to the Bangalore traffic….he flies!